At times, I don’t know how I am feeling. A sense of nothingness exists within me. I am not whining neither am I elated. I am not down in the dumps neither am I one among the stars. I don’t feel miserable neither do I feel joyous. I just am. Just am.

I am writing…just because. And I don’t have much to say in spite of the fact that I have seen some movies I could do with some chattering about and have finally started reading LOTR which I am into. I do feel like I am with Frodo, Merry, Pippin and Sam in the Forest and that we are walking (without the distractions). I feel like I am just walking inside my head. Inside my head. There is a sense of placid movement and doing what one is required to do. Not doing what one wants to or doesn’t want to because, like I said, I don’t know the difference between what I want and don’t-want right now. I am just walking.

Sometimes, while walking, I feel like I can hear a train passing somewhere in the distant inside my head. It’s like a train is in my head which zooms in and zooms out snapping me to a world around me. Now there, now isn’t. And then I go walking again.

I am not sure if I make any sense to you, or anyone for that matter. For someone else to be able to get you and be comfortable with this sense of tranquility and nothingness with you would require a whish of a magic wand, I think. Which brings me to something that I haven’t been able to shake off my mind since I saw/heard it recently:

Mia: Don’t you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don’t know. That’s a good question.
Mia: That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

– Pulp Fiction

I do think it takes someone “very special” to be able to be able to do that.

Here’s to me “letting it be”…and…keep walking!

-Sameen